Truth is, I'm still getting to know me and learning to love what I see. I chose to write about some bits of my life as I think it is a part of me that made me who I am today. I am ambitious, driven and possibly a perfectionist at times. Growing up, I thought maybe the zodiacs were right. Being born in January is the cause of my character. I think not now, what made me who I am is a lot to do with how my life turned out.
My father played a key role in my life. He stood by me through every decision I ever made. I have memories from when I was younger where he would tell me stories of his travels. One time, he took me to Japan and how amazed I was with everything I saw and he held me tight in his arms afraid he would lose me. Maybe he knew I would one day leave him to see the world. Now, he calls me everyday to hear about my day and the adventures I've been on. He is my head cheerleader. Each achievement I have accomplished, he would always say "I knew you would make it!". Each time, I feel like giving up I know I am only one phone call away from the biggest motivational speech I'll ever get.
For those that don't know me, my parents are divorced. My father raised my brothers and me on his own. He did everything in his power to make sure we had our needs met and the best education. He used all the money he could save to send me to the UK to pursue my degree. Life was not always fair you see, as he fell sick at some point and I had to discontinue my studies and return home. I am sure some of you know the twist of fates very well. From that point, I realized it was my turn to be there for him. I think it was then that I began pushing myself hard to be better. We all know the repercussions to pushing yourself. One, you achieve something and two, you end up hurting yourself mentally. Well, coincidentally I managed to do both. I succeeded in getting my degree but not before suffering from anxiety.
Funny enough, this summer spent at home with my father he reminded me again of my strength and how the hard push was not necessary. We talked about the times I failed my driving tests (twice to be exact!) and how happy I was to finally succeed! You see, I was never a failure in my fathers eyes. If only I saw myself that way. Maybe I needed my 'cheerleader' to give me the push to face my fears. Now, I am starting to see myself as someone who fought hard to get the degree I wanted. A woman who fell in love with a man who loves and respects her back. I'm only 26 and I can say I have lived in two countries and traveled to 27 countries outside Singapore (almost there with the 30 under 30 goal!). For all the times I saw failure, I cant remember them now.
I am still a bit anxious at times, except now I'm choosing to own my life and embrace all current and future travels and to do it for myself. I am writing this as a reminder for every time I fail, so that I will get back up and do this for myself.
Daddy if you ever read this, I hope you know I am thankful for everything you have done for me. It was through you that I learnt to be strong and to strive for what I want. I will try and look at myself the way you see me even on the hardest days.